You are the Conspiracy

Hoda Fadel
5 min readJan 21, 2021

You are the conspiracy

It’s too easy to externalise our existential confusion,
paint it over a group of individuals.

Humans have repeatedly done that over the course of history,
externalising the devil — the demons must be exorcised.

Long ago it was the witches,
in my Muslim upbringing it is the “kuffar” — the infidels.
For the Nazis it’s the Jews,
just to count a few.
Now it’s the baby eater globalist elites.

The myth of Satan repeats itself in every conceivable disguise.

NO there’s no evil mastermind controlling the world.

The world is an exquisitely complex system with far too many survival agendas to be pinned down into a singular perpetrator.

Our inability to fathom the complexity of the collective human psyche leads us to over simplistic and fantastical thinking.

The only true evil (if any) is the ego-mind carving out illusory mental boundaries over a perfectly unified field in the attempt of making sense of the ineffable, only to reinforce a dual perception of reality.

Is that to say it’s all sparkles and unicorns?

NO.

What I’m saying is that the world has real problems.
We need to focus on remedying these.

But you have to make the distinction.

There’s greed
selfishness
ignorance
corruption
misuse of power
poverty
cruelty
police brutality
Pedophilia
media bias
secret agendas
and propaganda
all of which are merely symptoms of existential dread, visceral confusion, unattended pain, a fractured sense of self
and It’s all mostly unconsciousness.

There’s also WARS.

Have you witnessed any of these in real life?
bombs, blood and all

I have.

I grew up in one and witnessed a few others,
fled from my bed to the basement
from city to village.

Perhaps when you endure such unthinkable tragedy, it crystallises your distinction between direct and real experiences and schizotypal beliefs — between actual problems and the rabbit-hole of mad delusions.

This is way beyond politics
beyond ideologies
even beyond spirituality.

This is about you

This is about how politics have lured you into toxic ideologies further corrupting your spirit.

It is about how you interpret reality and who you think you are,
about the defect within your conceptual overlay,
about that toxic purpose that robs you off the real responsibility and accountability for yourself and the world.

There’s an attraction to detecting ‘hidden’ correspondences and patterns — it’s a stimulating game.

Yet your attention is MISPLACED.

The hidden patterns are the ones in our human psyche, the ones that veil the knowing of the Self. Yet in reality — if you dig deep — only lead to it.

It’s so psychologically enticing, even highly addictive to be the rebel, to find identity in a righteous fight, in belonging to a certain group.

Your “activism” — if we can ever call it that — is MISPLACED.

When you cherry pick facts then project a notoriously exaggerated storyline over it without diligent and integrous investigation, you will miss out on taking real action towards what truly matters, finding fundamental solutions, becoming civilly active, and be present with what’s in front of your eyes. You become blind.
Corrupt.

Your conspiracy is a corruption in the mind.

It’s perverting truth.

Grab a taxi in Thailand and you might get offered sex with a minor.
I’ve heard at least 10 stories from friends about being molested as children by an uncle or a stepdad.

Pedophilia is all around but you don’t want to look that close, you want to push it so far into some wild narrative, blame a certain unreachable group so all you actually do is sit behind your screen and babble foolishly about it.

These are real happenings all around the world because of systematic poverty, monstrous blind spots in our socio-political systems, ignorance, lack of connection to the true values of the Self and Oneness.
And every one of us is responsible for it.

Do you know how many children died in Yaman? In Syria just recently?

because of wars.

Notice your biases when most of your theories got completely debunked and proven wrong. Did it matter?
Notice the mental gymnastic you do to validate your beliefs,
because you finally belonged
you have found a purpose
a thing to say
you have found your messiah
and you now live on a thread of faith
rather than actually do something of value, be it real activism, or simply self inquiry.

There’s an appeal to narcissistic leaders.
The powerless fall for them, sees in them what he/she lacks, feels whole latching onto them.
Because you mistake their “grandiose” and derogatory attitude with genuine power.

A narcissist exerts a reactive pain-body,
while its followers house repressive pain-bodies hence see some sort of power in the external exertion, even seek approval from the narcissist and in some advanced measures find the saviour in them.

Combine that with distrust in the system (which is pretty valid) and bitterness towards the rich (you gotta look into that one) and you’re lodged into an alternate reality far removed from what’s in front of your eyes.

You become an idle puppet.

Your theories are all buzz words until they become dangerous.

Why dangerous?

Because they inflate your sense of self, they make you feel special, morally superior, like you’ve uncovered some mystery, like you are somewhat the appointed vanguard of the new paradigm.
They give you a sense of privilege over the average person.

Nazis believed they’re going to save the world in a cosmic battle, then rule it, ushering the dawn of the new age.

And for every righteous battle a bloody purge becomes inevitable.

Ideologies
fanaticism
It all comes from the same level of cognition.
These are traps for the lost and the lazy.

This is how cults start.

I also grew up in one.

It is the same language. “I see what you don’t see, therefore I must stop your evil for the betterment of all”

But it’s all so metaphorical

We fight with our own reflection.

The child eating myth is but a reflection of your innocence hijacked by your ego-mind.
The shape-shifting extraterrestrial reptilian humanoid you think controls your world is your own reptile brain further veiling your self-knowing.

Our attention is so outwardly hooked that the revelation of the most obvious Truth gets overlooked.

If we bring our attention a little closer, we’d disentangle a more enticing web of delusions within our own mind that is ultimately Self-revealing.

It’s incredible what happens when one distinguishes between belief and direct experience, however that requires a radical reassessment of all things believed to be true. Not in the apparent “outside world” but within the filters of our own perception.

Standing for truth is
standing in truth.

Standing in truth is an honest inquiry in the nature of the self,
right here right now,
an experiential realisation of the crux of who you are.

It is looking upon reality with complete lucidity until you realise you have long entered your own imagination.

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Hoda Fadel
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Enquirer in the nature of reality. Poetess. Lucid Dreamer. Ecstatic dance DJ & tutor.